Hold on Loosely by .38 Special, one of my favorites.  It came on the radio as I pulled in the driveway this afternoon.  It stimulated my thoughts on relationship, makes sense, that’s what the song’s about.  It’s a topic that’s important to me.  Finding that balance in a relationship where I feel like I have myself, my space, my life, my freedom yet I’m in a relationship.  I need my space.  I need alone time.  I’m an Aquarian, I think that’s part of it.  I also pick up a good bit of info through feeling.  So part of my alone time is about clearing and cleansing my field and staying in touch with myself.

At the beginning of relationships we have the eros.  That wonderful chemical high.  We can’t get enough and we feel like we’re floating on a cloud.  Then after a few months we adjust.  The light dims and certain realities rise to the surface.  This is where that heart connection is most important.  I thinks this is when you really start to develop the heart connection and you get the opportunity to work on your relationship issues/beliefs.

Hold on loosely.  That’s the theme here.  Love is a many faceted topic.  Let’s stick with one.  Ultimately I want a relationship that fits like a glove.  I know there will be some custom fitting to be worked out between us.  I need to know what I need and be able to state it clearly.  Letting someone in yet creating healthy boundaries.

That’s ultimately the challenge.  Take responsibility for ourselves and speaking up.  Good god you can’t expect your partner to read your mind.  Even if you can read each other pretty well, there’s a lot of interpretation that can get messed up.  I don’t care how psychic either of you think you are.  Our history and personal experiences cloud or color the story.  You really aren’t going to know the whole truth and nothing but the truth without a heart to heart conversation.  Many conversations, yea and some arguments.  Most likely some hurt feelings.  It gets messy sometimes.  The wonderful opportunity we have in all relationships is the remodeling job on ourselves.  You can’t remodel a home without making some mess.  I don’t think relationships are any different.

I’ve asked for space before in relationships without saying what that meant.  Honestly I can understand why it wasn’t met with a great reaction.  I was feeling like I had no time or space for myself and no choices.  My reaction was to pull away, my pulling away triggered his abandonment issues.  If you aren’t communicating clearly  misinterpretation and hurt feelings are inevitable.  Even when you think you are communicating clearly misinterpretation arises.

It’s a big topic.  I’ll leave it here for now.  Hold on loosely, AND communicate well.  If that still doesn’t cut it, you might just have to move on till you connect with someone that “gets” you better.  Someone that appreciates you, even with your quirks and issues.

Here’s .38 Special and Hold On Loosely

 

 

In Joy,

Susan

 

I have been getting my yard in shape.  You know the typical trimming bushes, weeding, planting, and mulching.  It’s great therapy vs “work” if gardening is your thing.  Don’t ask me to cut the grass though.  I’ve done it plenty of times.  That feels like work to me.

Gardening is a form of meditation for me.  Most of the time it’s easy to still my mind and open up to the universe.  Yesterday was not one of those quiet mind days.  Fresh from a hurt with my ex-boy friend my mind kept wanting to replay and focus on the hurt.  Can you relate?

We all try to run from the pain.  What we need to remember is it’s all energy.  The energy wants to move.  The sooner we allow it to move the sooner we will come out the other side.   We have to allow ourselves to move through it.  Feel it without getting caught up in the stories, blame, victim hood, etc.

Yea, right.  Well, I didn’t say it was easy or that you will do it perfectly.  NO WAY.  Sometimes you get hit with something that hurts and you react.

So in my garden yesterday I just kept trying to observe the feelings.  When my head would start ranting I starting chanting.  I love chanting meditations for several reasons.  They give my mind something to focus on.  Most of the time that works, but from a lot of experience I can tell you sometimes the mind still works it’s way around the chanting.

Yesterday was a heavy hitter day and I worked my way through 1/2 dozen chants, along with focusing on my breathing, and being present in the moment.  I focused on feeling present in my body as I moved.  This will take you deeper into your feelings.  This is generally what most people try to avoid by finding distractions or things to numb.

I recommend you deal with it sooner than later.  You can block and bury the emotions for awhile, but they will come out eventually.  How?  It’s blocked energy.  You will create illness, you will lash out at the wrong person at the wrong time, you can project it onto to others and get it mirrored back at yourself.  You will eventually have to deal with it in one form or another.

Another reason to chant, the vibration.  You are sending a positive vibration through your body and energy field.  It isn’t just about the words.  It’s not about being in your head.  Don’t chant from your mind.  You bring the sound current down through your body and feel it.

It’s not a magic bullet, but it does feel good.  Through my pain I kept coming back to the positive vibrations of chanting.  It gave me a relief from the pain without being destructive.  It sent a healing wave through me, helping me get to the dawn of a new day.

I have attached a video with a meditation using the mantra “Sat Nam.”  It is Sanskrit and means to identify the truth within.  Enjoy.

q

 

There is nothing useless here.  The universe has put nothing here that doesn’t serve a purpose.  It is our job to discover or allow ourselves to use our gifts and talents.  We all have a part to play.  Put aside the judgment and get curious.  Even those things we label as bad have a purpose.  All challenges and experiences play an important role, even if we don’t understand.  We get disappointed and/or angry.  OK, when you are done with that try moving on to curious.  What do you have to learn?  What is this giving you?  How does it motivate you? What can you learn today?

In Love,

Susan

I see it in your eyes. You are asking me to save you. I can’t.

 

I will stand by your side and be still with you. I will help you to find that deep dark cave within yourself.

 

The cave is filled with riches beyond your wildest imagining. Within the cave your essence resides. Gleaming, glowing, sparkling. You must go deep within yourself to find it there. It is worth more than you can ever earn. It will set you free.

 

Take my hand. Let me show you. We will both dive within ourselves. You don’t have to know the way. Just follow within yourself. Let me light your way.

 

Breath and sink down. See the glow deep within the cave of yourself. Feel it. Breath into it. Allow it to expand. This is your essence. Allow it to expand to every cell of your body and beyond.

 

Create from here.

We all have to make them. Most of our daily choices are simple. Get out of bed, get dressed. Getting dressed can present choice challenges. I’m a woman, it’s not always simple. I try to keep getting dressed simple. Let me expand that to say it’s not hard to choose if I want to get dressed or not. It’s the choice of what do I feel like wearing. What am I doing? What feels good? Many times I would like to have more to choose from.

 

When choices feel challenging, what’s the real issue? It’s the black and white issue, the right or wrong issue. Life just is rarely that clean. Haven’t you ever made one choice, then all of a sudden the thing you didn’t choose looks better. Damn. Now sometimes you can find ways to have both. I like that. I know most of you do to. We find ways, excuses. For example when you are with someone else and you order dessert. Sometimes you are willing to order different things and share. Yea, and that doesn’t always work out now does it.

 

So what is it really? I’m taking this way to seriously. Good ol school training maybe. There’s only one right answer. I guess we can add religious training in there, that’s a big one. We all want to be the one’s that got it right. Especially when our consequences are hell. That makes choosing a hot topic. Yea, sorry.

 

OK, so I’m taking a deep breath. I’m going to laugh at myself now. Yea, go ahead, laugh at yourself also. OMG sometimes I just go off the deep end and actually believe what they taught me in school, life is a test. Sometimes there are multiple choice questions, fill in the blank and essay’s. Thank god for extra credit work.

 

As it turns out, life is just a series of choices. Sometimes my choices feel difficult because I just make them that way. Because even I don’t really trust I can have something better if what I currently have isn’t really fitting well. Let’s face it, even if you know in your heart it’s the best choice you need to make, it’s not black and white. It still hurts. Why? Because I haven’t jumped in with both feet. I’m looking back. I’m dragging my feet. I’m staying entangled just in case I want to change my mind. Because there was still good stuff back there. But, was it enough? Did I try my best? Yes, I did. I enjoyed the good stuff. I can have more. I know I can. I may have to wait a bit and make a few more choices. Like Goldilocks sitting in the different chairs, tasting the different bowls of porridge and beds. Finally finding what feels like a good fit. Even then, after a good snooze she was frightened out of a comfortable situation. She had to make another choice. Sometimes I need a poke or prode to make those choices. Can you relate?

 

I’m making a cleaner choice today. I have my head faced forward and I know I now have room for something that feels good. When I find myself looking back, which I know might just happen. I’m going to turn around and around and dance. I’m going to dance and do those things that make me feel good. I did my best back there. I’m going to create something even better today.

 

In Love and Joy,

Susan

 

 

In the garden, I get out of my mind instead of “going out of my mind.” The physical work becomes a moving meditation when I notice my breath and allow thoughts to drift away. Without working at it the work becomes soothing. Pulling weeds, trimming bushes, laying mulch. It sounds like work. It feels good not to have to think or make decisions for a time. Just being. In the garden. At peace.

Like any other meditation thoughts can come in. I hear the neighbors talking. I hear life going on around me in the neighborhood. I just notice. I breath and feel this moment. I do have to make a choice. I can let those things draw me out of this moment or sink deeper within myself and just notice them. Just notice them and stay with myself. Notice what’s here right now, in the garden, within myself.

Last evening I spent with my brother Jim during the last 4.5 hours of his physical life. My family was also there. In hind site I realize I had energetically been with him all day. I had awoken that Saturday morning feeling an exhaustion that felt like a disconnection from life. When I would relax and go with it I would sleep or just sit peacefully. When I went into fear I would struggle against it and I would try to “accomplish” something. I knew life was shifting and changing.

Late afternoon before I laid down for another nap I shuffled The Journey Oracle cards and “The Messenger” popped up. There is plenty of room for interpretation with oracle cards. I believe there was room to apply several meanings, but the main message was “imminent arrival of important news.” I took my nap, woke hearing a text message from a friend arrive, then as I was contemplating some dinner my Mother called to tell me the VA Hospital had called to say Jim was declining.

It was an honor to be with him and help him relax and let go in peace. He knew we were there. We gently spoke with him, held him and loved him. I continued to hold his hand till his breath gently slipped away and his heart gently stopped. I am grateful for the experience. It was peaceful.

I am grateful that he has released himself from the tired physical body to an expanded freedom and remembering of the truth of who he truly is. I know he was met by his youngest soon who had passed away about 2 years prior, our Father and Grandparents.

His death reminds me to live my life more fully.

In Love,
Susan