Being a Harry Potter fan I recently saw the newest release Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows. The house elf, Dobbie is wonderful.  I would truly enjoy having a house elf live with me. Of course if you are familiar with the Potter books you know that the role of house elf is really one of slavery. As powerful as the little creatures are they don’t have independence and freedom. Unless of course they are given an article of clothing.

I had not given this part any thought when I made my original wish for a house elf. I truly am not looking to enslave any creature. Especially if makes them unhappy and inflicts pain. I think the example would serve us all to examine the dynamics in our relationships.

The relationship between the house elf and it’s master is quite dramatic and clear. I believe most of us would object. Yet it is a mirror worth examining because people have subtle ways of controlling one another and justifying it. We don’t see our own control tactics.

Common reasons people control others:
Fear of losing that person or relationship.
Feelings of lack.
They were taught that relationship style by example.
Fear of being hurt/overpowered.
Getting their needs met.

Common relationship control:
Money is huge. One person has, the other doesn’t. Money becomes the bait to keep the other in relationship. The one who lacks the money is provided for on the condition that they behave in a certain way or fulfill the others desires. There is always the unspoken threat of losing the roof over their head or what ever support is being provided should they displease the one with money.

Does that mean I believe there can’t be a healthy relationship between two people with different economic situations. Money is a symbol of power in our society. I think its a rare situation where money is not being used to control on some level, however subtle.  In the job market many have lost their negotiating power through lack of choice.  It’s this job or possibly none.  Employers have more advantage at this time.  As soon as you have choice, you have negotiating power.

Without knowing much about the program I believe Habitat for Humanity make a great effort to empower the people they assist. The family’s receiving the assistance must contribute to the homes they are receiving. I believe EMPOWERMENT is the key element.

Empowerment builds the other person. It does not control. It allows choice. If I empower you I allow you to take the gift and leave. I allow you the freedom to choose. That choice may not meet my needs. I need to accept that. Empowerment aims to create win-win situations. It allows all parties involved to stand as equals or as a team.  Every team has and needs a leader, but leading does not mean standing over another.  The job of the leader is to build a team.  Working side by side toward a common goal.  In fact there is a quote that I am unable at the moment to locate that states, “a leader will follow and provide for based on the others needs.”

In looking at all of this I realize there are house elves to be had. They come in the form of people who clean homes for a living, bookkeepers, personal assistants, lawn care people, body guards, and any number of services you may be needing.  The exchange is money.  Each party having the freedom to enter or leave the relationship.

I guess I was really wishing to have help with my work load.

I am adjusting my wish.  I would like to have the means to exchange with a number of people in equally satisfying relationships to help me get certain jobs done so that I have more time to do the things I really love to do.  That is a much longer explanation for a house elf, but it’s worth it.  I appreciate realizing what the house elf symbolized to me.  It represents my own freedom and joy.

I wish everyone empowered relationships where their needs are met.

In Love,




Love sets no boundaries or restrictions on your freedom.  If you need to leave in order to be happy I will let you go.

If I let you go and you return then I know you truly love me.

If I hold you and restrict your freedom, if I demand you prove your love this way then I will never really know your love.

I must allow you to be free.  Allow you to fly.  We will all benefit from your happiness.  Your happiness is my happiness.